Holly's Story
'When I discovered I was pregnant for the first time I didn't think about how I would feed my baby, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and believed it would just happen, after all it is natural and women have been doing it forever! However it didn't happen like i expected. My daughter was born using ventouse on 5th april 2006 after a long and difficult labour. She weighed 7lb 5oz and was perfectly pink and healthy. I was given lots of drugs during my labour (which i readily accepted!) and was never told that they could make my baby sleepy and affect breastfeeding. I suffered a third degree tear (something i believe could have been avoided) and it took an hour to stitch me up. Once the stitches were done i was reunited with my daughter who had been fast asleep the whole time, and i told the midwife i wanted to breastfeed. She took hold of my babys head in one hand and my breast in the other and thrust her head fowards onto my breast with such force i was terrified. However despite the midwifes rough handling of her my daughter still didn't wake up and just kept having one or two sucks, falling asleep and slipping off my breast. Everytime she did this the midwife took hold of her head and did the same thing again. The way she thrust my daughters head seemed far too rough to me (her little head had a huge bruise on it from the ventouse cup) and i was about to tell her i wanted to stop trying for now just so she'd stop touching my baby when she pronounced 'this babys too sleepy to feed let's try again later.' We were then moved to the postnatal ward, it was nine o'clock at night and my husband had to leave. I was exhausted and fell straight to sleep. When i woke up it was four thirty in the morning. I looked at my baby who was still asleep. I pulled her blanket off and stroked her hands and face and she still didn't wake up. I pressed the call bell and a different midwife came. I explained that my baby hadn't woken up for a feed and she helped me to strip her off and change her nappy to try and rouse her. My little baby girl made a few grunting noises but stayed asleep the whole time.
The midwife told me she would not take a feed from me as she was too sleepy, so she would have to take her and give her formula from a cup. I agreed, not wanting my baby to starve. I asked the midwife why my baby was so sleepy and she told me it was the drugs I was given. I had no idea they could have this affect. When she was returned to me i decided i was going to get on with things on my own as i didn't want anyone else to take her away and give her formula. I kept trying to wake her up every hour and put her to my breast. Even if she only had a few sucks I just tried again in another hour. We were discharged home that evening and no one even asked how feeding was going let alone checked the latch.
Everything seemed to be going well that first night at home and the following day, however the next day my baby seemed to come round and was awake and wanting to feed a lot more. The more she fed the more sore my nipples got untill eventually they were bleeding and i was dreading every feed and crying all the time. I asked the community midwife for help. She watched my baby latch on and said it was fine (it can't possibly have been or my nipples wouldn't have been in such a state) and asked me in quite a cross manner while i was in floods of tears 'do you seriously want to breastfeed? because if you do these are the sorts of things your're just gonna have to get through.' I knew I couldn't continue if this is what breastfeeding is like and when my daughter was three weeks old i made the heartbreaking decision to formula feed her. I was devastated and felt a complete failure.
There was absolutely no support from start to finish, no support groups were suggested to me where i might meet other mums who were actually breastfeeding and the midwives just didn't seem to have enough knowledge about breastfeeding.
I became pregnant again in 2009 and was determined to have a better experience. I armed myself with fountains of knowledge about breastfeeding and felt prepared for problems, whereas first time round i thought it would just happen! I had a son on 5th march 2010 and after no drugs during an easier labour breastfeeding got off to a cracking start. He was alert and feeding straight away, it was amazing. We didn't have any problems with the latch and to this day i've never got sore nipples. However when my son was seven days old he was crying and feeding all the time and my boobs just felf empty (looking back it was probably just a growth spurt and he needed to up my supply a bit so thats why he was feeding more). I was exhausted and worried my baby was starving so I asked the community midwife for help. She told me i would probably get a better nights sleep if i gave him formula before bed. I couldn't believe it! I needed to hear that this was all normal and that it would all sort itself out once my supply had caught up with the demands of my baby, not to have formula sugested to me which i knew could be seriously detrimental to my supply! I ignored her advise and avoided asking anyone for help again.
My little boy is doing really well, putting on weight and he's still never had a drop of formula. He's four months old now and I plan to breastfeed him for as long as he wants. It has turned out well for me and my son, but for my daughter and many other mums and babies it all goes horribly wrong because of the lack of breasfeeding knowledge that some midwives have. I still feel really sad about my experience with my daughter and it will affect me forever as I know in my heart I failed her. thank-you for giving me the chance to share my story, I hope things change in the NHS on the breastfeeding front soon. The picture is me with my baby boy .'
"So this is the story of my breast feeding journey. Leo was delivered on the 27th of july 2009 following a tramatic 3 days of pre-eclampsia and a seizure. I had a catheter in and 5 canulars in my arms but Leo was born alive and well. He was a beautiful pink squidgy boy who was perfect in every way possible. I laid him on my chest so he had skin to skin straight away and the plan was to breastfeed right away but things really didnt go that way at all.
I was given an injection to deliver the placenta but the cord snapped leaving the placenta inside me. I was bleeding serverely. I already suffered from anemia so the blood I was losing I desperately needed. I was rushed to theatre & Leo was left with Oli. I was fading in and out of consiousness & I was so worried I hadnt bonded with my son but I was rushed away. I had a epidural in but it wasnt effective on me so I went under general anaesthetic. My BP was so low they had to inject me with adrenalin to keep my heart beating. I still had the drips in my arms, magnesium, fluid, a bp stabaliser and a drug that made me really hot - I'm unsure of the name.
They had to cut me (like an episiotomy) to retrieve the placenta that had lodged inside me. They pulled it out and sewed me back up. When I came round I had a oxygen mask on and I was really dizzy. I was in agony. Doctors and surgeons were rushing around all around me and I saw a clock. My eyes were blurry but I believe it said 6.30. My son was born at 2.57 so I had missed the first 3 hours of his life. My throat felt like a razor had been scraped along it but I couldn't wait to hold my son. They wheeled me to the delivery suite where Oli and my beautiful son were. I told the HV I wanted to breast feed and the midwife said it was fine to do so. Oli brought Leo to me and I latched him on myself. I was so weak I could hardly move - I had lost 2 litres of blood. My iron count was a 9, so very low. I was feeling worse and another blood test revealed it was a 6 and going down. I was given a blood transfusion. I still tried to feed Leo but I thought my efforts wernt making any leeway. A midwife said "hes latched on well" - but he wasnt. He was hurting and I knew it wasnt right. I gave in to defeat. Leo hadnt eaten since he was born so I told the nurse to get a bottle. Oli fed him and I sat and sobbed because I couldnt do one thing for my son.
3 after the birth I was admitted to the ward where I tried breastfeeding again but with no luck. I saw the woman next to me with a breast pump that belonged to the hospital & I thought they would ask me if I wanted to use it then feed him from the bottle but they didn't. I was in tears struggling to latch him on and struggling with the pain of server swollen nether-regions and stitches. I wanted to give up. Day 5 I had to get up and walk around the ward but when I got up I was greeted with the worst pain yet. My stitches had ripped. the consultant came in and I was given gas and air while they gave me an internal examination and took out the stitches. There was so much swollen fluid apparently it tore the stitches out. So I was sewn back up. Again I was in agony. The one thing I wanted to do I couldn't.
When I was allowed home 10 days after the birth, Leo was exclusively bottle fed, but I was leaking milk as it came through. I latched him on when we were at home but my boob was so sore and hot.* I had a fever and was tired. My breast was red and inflamed. This went after a day or two and I thought nothing of it but 2 days later it came back. Leo was still getting bottle fed as my milk supply was almost non existant by this time. I was in agony all over again. The doctor turned up and told me I had mastitis and gave me some antibiotics to take. Things sorted out and I was feeling better. Unfortunately my thoughts of breastfeeding were gone. When the health visitor came round she was wearing a "breast is best" badge so I spoke to her about it, and basically she said it was too late to try now. She was kind in her manner but I felt let down. I was heart-broken and well and truly let down.
If I had had more support I feel like I would have breastfed him and he would have had the best start possible in life. I knew I wanted to breast feed right from the start but it just wasnt an option for me in the end. It should have been possible for me to combine feed but no one told me this."
* It seems that Holly was not informed about the importance of expressing milk on leaving hospital (when she was exclusively bottle feeding) to avoid the risk engorgement/ a blocked milk duct/ mastitis. If she had been, she may not have gone on to develop the problem at all. The doctor who treated her with antibiotics doesn't appear to have explained to her the importance of expressing to avoid further engorgement or if she wished to breastfeed beyond the illness. There were no discussions about the possibility of combined feeding. These steps would also have been vital in maintaining a breast milk supply.
In this case Holly's poor breastfeeding support seems to have added insult to the considerable injury she sustained at the time of her son's birth. It seems that it was assumed by her carers that she would bottle-feed because of decisions made during an extreme situation in hospital.
Anna’s Story
'When I discovered I was pregnant for the first time I didn't think about how I would feed my baby, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and believed it would just happen, after all it is natural and women have been doing it forever! However it didn't happen like i expected. My daughter was born using ventouse on 5th april 2006 after a long and difficult labour. She weighed 7lb 5oz and was perfectly pink and healthy. I was given lots of drugs during my labour (which i readily accepted!) and was never told that they could make my baby sleepy and affect breastfeeding. I suffered a third degree tear (something i believe could have been avoided) and it took an hour to stitch me up. Once the stitches were done i was reunited with my daughter who had been fast asleep the whole time, and i told the midwife i wanted to breastfeed. She took hold of my babys head in one hand and my breast in the other and thrust her head fowards onto my breast with such force i was terrified. However despite the midwifes rough handling of her my daughter still didn't wake up and just kept having one or two sucks, falling asleep and slipping off my breast. Everytime she did this the midwife took hold of her head and did the same thing again. The way she thrust my daughters head seemed far too rough to me (her little head had a huge bruise on it from the ventouse cup) and i was about to tell her i wanted to stop trying for now just so she'd stop touching my baby when she pronounced 'this babys too sleepy to feed let's try again later.' We were then moved to the postnatal ward, it was nine o'clock at night and my husband had to leave. I was exhausted and fell straight to sleep. When i woke up it was four thirty in the morning. I looked at my baby who was still asleep. I pulled her blanket off and stroked her hands and face and she still didn't wake up. I pressed the call bell and a different midwife came. I explained that my baby hadn't woken up for a feed and she helped me to strip her off and change her nappy to try and rouse her. My little baby girl made a few grunting noises but stayed asleep the whole time.
The midwife told me she would not take a feed from me as she was too sleepy, so she would have to take her and give her formula from a cup. I agreed, not wanting my baby to starve. I asked the midwife why my baby was so sleepy and she told me it was the drugs I was given. I had no idea they could have this affect. When she was returned to me i decided i was going to get on with things on my own as i didn't want anyone else to take her away and give her formula. I kept trying to wake her up every hour and put her to my breast. Even if she only had a few sucks I just tried again in another hour. We were discharged home that evening and no one even asked how feeding was going let alone checked the latch.
Everything seemed to be going well that first night at home and the following day, however the next day my baby seemed to come round and was awake and wanting to feed a lot more. The more she fed the more sore my nipples got untill eventually they were bleeding and i was dreading every feed and crying all the time. I asked the community midwife for help. She watched my baby latch on and said it was fine (it can't possibly have been or my nipples wouldn't have been in such a state) and asked me in quite a cross manner while i was in floods of tears 'do you seriously want to breastfeed? because if you do these are the sorts of things your're just gonna have to get through.' I knew I couldn't continue if this is what breastfeeding is like and when my daughter was three weeks old i made the heartbreaking decision to formula feed her. I was devastated and felt a complete failure.
There was absolutely no support from start to finish, no support groups were suggested to me where i might meet other mums who were actually breastfeeding and the midwives just didn't seem to have enough knowledge about breastfeeding.
I became pregnant again in 2009 and was determined to have a better experience. I armed myself with fountains of knowledge about breastfeeding and felt prepared for problems, whereas first time round i thought it would just happen! I had a son on 5th march 2010 and after no drugs during an easier labour breastfeeding got off to a cracking start. He was alert and feeding straight away, it was amazing. We didn't have any problems with the latch and to this day i've never got sore nipples. However when my son was seven days old he was crying and feeding all the time and my boobs just felf empty (looking back it was probably just a growth spurt and he needed to up my supply a bit so thats why he was feeding more). I was exhausted and worried my baby was starving so I asked the community midwife for help. She told me i would probably get a better nights sleep if i gave him formula before bed. I couldn't believe it! I needed to hear that this was all normal and that it would all sort itself out once my supply had caught up with the demands of my baby, not to have formula sugested to me which i knew could be seriously detrimental to my supply! I ignored her advise and avoided asking anyone for help again.
My little boy is doing really well, putting on weight and he's still never had a drop of formula. He's four months old now and I plan to breastfeed him for as long as he wants. It has turned out well for me and my son, but for my daughter and many other mums and babies it all goes horribly wrong because of the lack of breasfeeding knowledge that some midwives have. I still feel really sad about my experience with my daughter and it will affect me forever as I know in my heart I failed her. thank-you for giving me the chance to share my story, I hope things change in the NHS on the breastfeeding front soon. The picture is me with my baby boy .'
Karen's Story
Karen's breasts during pregnancy.
Karen's breasts after pregnancy and breastfeeding.
(These puppies are E cup and bf for 11 days before going to formula.)
'I had no help at the midwife centre for bfing after I asked at least twice for help! After 3 or 4 midwife visits after the birth (with Lily putting on no weight) 1 nice midwife did take the time to show me her way. I even phones up the NCT bf line as Lily was taking well over an hour to feed and she'd still cry when I put her down to which I was told to just keep feeding until she was full.
At 11 days the bf clinic was finally open (2nd Jan 2010) when the counselor said she was a lazy feeder and didn't have the right action to feed properly. She said that I'd need to bf for 5 mins each side before giving her expressed milk whilst I expressed i.e. it would take 2 people to feed her every feed. Given A was just about to go back to work and I was so stressed and couldn't see a way through I gave up.
I wish I had the support and had someone to turn to but just couldn't see the wood for the trees as was so sleep deprived as Lily wouldn't settle as she was hungry.'
Melanie's Story
'This is my breast feeding story.
I had always planned to at least try to breastfeed my first child. It was something that I believe is important for both the health if your baby and also for bonding together. My family has a history of eczema and asthma so I believed that amongst other things I could do for N, breastfeeding was one of the most important.
I had a strange c section. It was planned for a week before my due date as N was breach but 17 days before the due date, my waters broke and I went in to have N. I was given an epidural so they could perform the operation but it did not work and I was given an emergency general anesthetic.
My husband was given N immediately and it was only about 20 minutes later that he was brought to me. The midwife urged me immediately to try feeding him and gave me help to get started. I was delighted that as soon as N was brought to me he latched on to feed.
It was the most amazing experience - this tiny helpless thing that I had grown was now being sustained from my breast. I had previously worried about how it would feel but the joy was overwhelming despite my grogginess. Over the next couple of days I struggled a bit with feeding him as he didn't always latch on properly. We later found out that he had tongue tie and this was operated on at 3 weeks. He latched on second after the snip and fed hungrily.
I did find that I was given differing advice from the nurses on the ward but on the whole the atmosphere was positive towards breastfeeding. In Denmark it is just expected that you will breastfeed at the start and there is no offer of formula on the ward. I was in a private room but spent time in the feeding room and I think I saw one woman bottle feeding but I later found out that it was expressed breast milk.
Once we were home N and I continue to do what I thought was successful breast feeding. My husband was very supportive of breastfeeding but would have put no pressure on me to continue if I wanted to stop. N regained his birth weight by the end of the first week home and we thought that all was well. The Health Visitor said he was gaining weight well and when I explained that I was following the advice of a well known baby book to feed only on one side at each feeding, she was supportive. She came every week for 4 weeks and continued to tell us everything was great. At N's 5 week check, I was devastated to be told that he was severely under weight and that we needed to take him to hospital for assessment. I collapsed once we got home and lay on the floor and bawled like a baby. I felt like the most useless mother in the world. I felt that I had really let down my son despite the fact that the doctor said that it was them, the professionals, that had let us down.
At the hospital they gently put us right about how to feed N, by offering both sides until he was full and sent us home. By the next morning he was weak and unresponsive. He wouldn't take my breast and I couldn't wake him up. We rushed back to the hospital and began what was to be a 8 day stay there. He was so underweight and I wasn't producing enough milk for him. He was using all his energy to get what little there was. I was looked after by an amazing breastfeeding support nurse, who first off told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't to blame and that I wasn't a useless mum. It was heartbreaking to see Noah with the little feeding tube in his nose and I realised just how gaunt he was. Once there was a feeding plan with me expressing using a massive machine and feeding him what I could from my breast and the rest through the tube, I started to feel much more positive. He was responding again and slowly gaining weight. After a week, they were happy with his and my progress and we began plans to return home.
I was terrified of being out of the hospital, I had become so institutionalised that I didn't feel I could function outside the safety of my room with the nurses. I wept the whole way home on the bus with my husband supporting me every step of the way. Once we got home, we began two weeks of regular weigh ins at the hospital. And shortly after my mum came to stay for a week and things started to get better.
What happened, dreadful as it was, really made me into N's mum and also made me more determined to stick with breastfeeding. We had gone through so much to make it work, I wasn't going to pack it in yet. Due to the circumstances of being at the hospital so much, I lost all my inhibitions of breastfeeding in public and was happy to do it most places. Denmark is a country where breastfeeding in public is the norm so there are well equipped, comfortable places available to do this, not shoved into a smelly changing room.
I suffered over the next few months from about eight breast infections and blocked ducts but at no point did I consider giving up. My mum and my best friend both encouraged me to start formula feeding. My mum because she thought that breastfeeding was putting me under pressure, especially with expressing and the pain, and my friend because she had formula fed her daughter from day one and thought that breastfeeding was unnecessary. My dad would often asked when I was going to start using a bottle, I think he thought it was some strange earth mother indulgence. I expressed enough so my husband could do the midnight feed so I could sleep after the 9pm one until 3pm. He was wonderful and supported me so much during this time (as he has all our lives together). His dad bought me a super duper electric breast pump so the expressing became easier.
I had always planned to breastfeed for at least 4 months or until N's first teeth come through. I gradually started to drop feeds and replace with formula at the end of 4 months - it simply felt right for me and N to do this. I hoped to retain the morning and evening feed for a bit longer but N had other ideas and we stopped just shy of 5 months. I was sad that that time together was over but it did feel right for us.
I am passionate now about women being given the support they need to able to breastfeed. Without the breastfeeding support nurse it would have been impossible for me to continue with any confidence. I believe that it gave N the best start in life and it is something that I am very proud of. When I look back now I can't remember how it physically felt to breastfeed but the amazing emotional impact those months had on me will last forever. I hope that my story will encourage other mothers to seek the help they need if they truly wish to breastfeed and not to be put off by the negative attitudes, however kindly meant, of those around them.
Once I have passed my final exams on Danish I plan to become a breastfeeding peer supporter and support both Danish speaking and English speaking mums. I don’t see myself as a breastfeeding militant but just want other women to both learn from my experience and have the type of support I received to be able to breastfeed for as long as they want to. I am disappointed to read stories in the press repeating the sad ideas about how women are treated when breastfeeding in public and that old chestnut of going to bottle to ‘let everyone have a go’. I hope that our stories and this campaign can really make a difference.'
NB - Melanie's story is an example of how the correct support can assist a mother to breastfeed even under challenging circumstances. She lives in Denmark - we could clearly learn a thing or two from the system there....