An Apology

Dear DBM-ers,

You might remember that sometime ago, the DBM Facebook group was threatened (twice) with deletion due to 'obscene' photographs which some of you had wanted to share on the group wall.

At the time I was very concerned that our community was under threat and so I asked you to send me your photos via email for publication on this blog instead.  I disabled the wall so you couldn't post your pictures, and changed the community guidelines to say you shouldn't post pictures to the wall.

I was completely wrong to do this.

By allowing Facebook to dictate to me their definition of 'obscene' I toe-d a line which I shouldn't have toe-d.  A misogynistic line which seeks to tell women that they are still lesser beings than men because their upper body is 'obscene' but a man's is not.  A line which forces mothers to hide out of sight from the rest of society because using our breasts to feed and comfort our children is 'obscene'.  A line which says that breasts are fine when they are being used to titillate men but suddenly become obscene when they are used to nurture the children those same men sire.

According to the sociologist Allan G. Johnson, misogyny is: 

"a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies."

I'm really sorry :(  I should never have asked you to hide away.

Facebook is only a 'virtual' world but it plays an important part in many people's real lives.  I absolutely support your right to nurse in public and I therefore I must unquestionably support your right to share your nursing photos on our Facebook group wall too.  

But what happens if we get into trouble with Facebook and our group gets shut down?

If that happens, I will let you know how to find one another again via the Twitter account @bfdboobies  


I will also contact the press and campaign to have our group reinstated, just as the wonderful Leaky Boob did.  I will trust that other online communities will support us just as we have supported them in the past.  

As Jessica from the Leaky Boob promised me when DBM was threatened with deletion once before: 

'we've got your back'.

In the meantime I have a favour to ask.  There is a co-ordinated campaign of 'nurse-in's being organised at Facebook's offices around the world on February 6th.  You can learn more about them here. 

There will be one in London, and potentially one in Dublin if we can get it organised.  They will also be taking place throughout Europe, in the USA, Canada and Australia.  I want you to support those nurse-ins if you feel able.  

My reason for asking is this:  if Facebook were a country, it would be the third largest country in the world smaller only than China and India.  It is currently home to 800 Million users.  One analyst predicts that it will have 1 Billion users by August 2012.

We're allowing Facebook to tell 800 Million + people that breastfeeding is obscene and must be hidden, or done out of sight, and yet that same company makes millions from advertising formula milks. 

So that my lovely daughters don't inherit a world where breastfeeding mothers are still denigrated, things really need to change.  For the record, I'm not a fan of 'nurse-ins'.  I've actually never attended one before.  I'm not a fan of them because to me they're essentially just a 'sit-in' with babies and children around.  If those babies and children need a feed, then they have a feed.  However, this is what it is.  We're nursing mothers, we will probably need to bring our kids with us and they'll probably need to feed.  But anyone can 'sit-in' in support of the rights of breastfeeding mothers, so bring your friends, and your partners too - we don't discriminate ;) 

In the meantime I'm going to change the settings so you can post your nursing pictures if you want to.  I'll let you know when it's done.

Today I went for lunch with my mother and girls at an art gallery close to my home.  In the garden outside there are many sculptures (which my eldest daughter calls 'angels') and she asked to go and see them.  We walked around them all and the last one we came to was this one:

The name of this sculpture is 'Pillows of Strength' and it's by F.E. McWilliam.

I like that my daughter brought me to it today, and perhaps it was an angel. :)